A Letter To Georgie Boy

Georgie Porgie, Pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry….
What I want to know is how did you get to be so sweet?

Rande said something to me on the day I rescued you…. she said that I now get to see the process from start to finish. I had just started volunteering with Karma Rescue and she called me because there were no more experienced people around to bail you out of the shelter. And so I began the process…. only the end of the process is supposed to be with you finding a forever home. Here. The process is not supposed to end with your life. And that is what it is coming too. I am so sorry, my boy. I’m so sorry we couldn’t save you and let you be a dog and love your life for a long, long time. D says that to you, a day or a hundred days isn’t important…. is that true? Was your time here enough? Did you have enough fun? Did you get enough love? Rande says yes. D says yes. Even Cliff says yes. Right now, I’m finding it hard to believe. I could have given you more. I could have taken you on more walks, more naps on my couch…. more belly rubs. I don’t know if I will always think that way. Rande and D have both scolded me about that…saying I can’t do that to myself. But I can’t help it. I wish I could have given you more.

I remember the first time I saw you…I picked you up from Animal Birth Control and you were so groggy. You slept the entire way to Pasternak’s. You were so cute and white. You didn’t want to get into the car, so I had to lift you…I was afraid I was going to hurt you…

The next day I came to see you and photograph you for the Karma website. You were really happy to get outside. You looked gorgeous in your photos…everyone said so. People called you a white angel. You even got to meet Arline and Jack. They adopted Brandy. I told them your story and it made them sad. They were happy that we rescued you, because they knew you were going to be spoiled rotten. One thing I noticed about your sweet face was that one of your eyes was teary. It looked like you had been crying. I touched it up on your photos, because I didn’t want anyone to think you were a sad puppy. Could that have been the start of your sickness? The first sign?

Then I didn’t see you for a while. And I don’t remember our next outing. That really makes me sad…why don’t I remember? Jazz really needed me then. I hope you understand. I thought you would be fine and get lots of love and attention from everyone else. Rande says you did. I hope it was enough.

And then Jazz was ready to go out on his own. And so I went and got you. You didn’t want to get in the car again. I had to coax you to jump in with treats. The treats didn’t work. I had to pick you up and put you in the car again. This time I wasn’t worried about hurting you. You loved exploring the car. I think you sniffed every inch…including the dashboard and the very back of the backseat…the space behind where human heads go. You jumped up there and squeezed yourself in tight. You looked so cute. I was so happy to see you out and about. You also liked looking backwards. And sticking your head out the window! You got to meet D. He taught you to sit. He said he couldn’t believe how happy you were and how much you smiled. I wish I could see that smile again. You got to meet some of our neighbors and Cliff too. You gave him a huge hug and kiss. He thought you were such a sweet boy. But, you didn’t like Harley. Or any other dogs. But now, I know it’s not that you didn’t like them…I think you were protecting them. I think you somehow knew what was growing inside you. And so we kept you away from other dogs…but not before you got to enjoy a hike at Runyon Canyon…

And you LOVED it. Climbing the big hill. Sniffing and exploring. Just being a dog. We hiked for about an hour and a half. You couldn’t stop smiling. I’m so glad you got to experience that hike. It’s one of my favorite things to share with dogs. And you especially, because I knew it was the first time you had been there ever. I got to experience a lot of firsts with you. After our hike, I wanted to take you to get a bath, but there wasn’t time, so I drove you home. Down Sunset and to PCH and the beach. Some of the time you had your head out the window and some of the time you were passed out! You were so tired from your day out. When we got back to Pasternak’s you did not want to go back to your kennel. You dragged your feet and looked back at me with such a sad face. I told you I’d be back. I think I came back the next day…but I can’t remember exactly. I hate that I can’t remember.

It seems that I only spent a few days with you. Only a handful. The next time I remember was Saturday. The day of your first adoption. I was really excited for you because I knew you were going to find a forever home lightening fast. Only you never got to go. Rande called, crying. I was at work, so I just heard her message. You were too sick to go to adoptions. She was really upset. At the time, I thought she was really taking it hard. I thought, well, he’ll just go next week. She told me to pick you up anyway and take you to Bernstein’s.

I got to Pasternak’s and wasn’t prepared for what I saw. Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. I saw you and you would have thought you landed a big fat kiss on me…. you had such trouble walking. Brian said he found you like that that morning. That you almost fell out of your kennel. He didn’t know what had happened to you because you were fine the night before. Brian and I helped you into my car. You fell into the foot area. My heart exploded. I put you back onto the seat and started to drive. You fell down again. I couldn’t take it. So I parked and I put you into the front seat so I could hold you up and make sure you didn’t fall and hurt yourself. You seemed really scared. Like you were wondering why your legs didn’t work right.

At Bernstein’s you got an exam. Dr B was so nice. I was a mess and he offered me Kleenex. He let me come into the back area with you. You could walk a few steps, but then you would fall. I didn’t think there was anything left of my heart. I was wrong. It exploded again…

Dr. B couldn’t keep you there because he was going to be away and was afraid you were going to have a seizure and no one would be there to help you. That was the first time I heard the word distemper. I asked him what that meant. He outlined the best and worse case scenarios. I refused to believe it. I had seen you 3 days earlier and you were fine! There was no way you had it. You were in isolation at Pasternak’s. You couldn’t have it. You couldn’t. I called Rande.

She was trying to find a place for you to stay. We didn’t know what to do. Finally we found the critical care hospital. I drove you there and checked you in. The doctor and nurses there were wonderful. I can’t remember any of their names at the moment. But the doctor that first checked you out was so sweet and loving. You weren’t afraid at all. She examined you and then said the d word. It looks like distemper. But she wanted to do some tests to be sure. So I kissed your white head, whispered in your ear and left you for the night. The last bit of my heart exploded as I walked out the door.

And so began my weekend. Each time I visited you, I was encouraged. You wagged your tail and lifted your head when I came into the room. Claudia, your very amazing and special nurse would update me. She really loves you! Everyone there does. She really tried to help you. She hand fed you when you wouldn’t eat from the bowl. Got a syringe for water when you couldn’t find your water bowl. She answered all my questions and sat with me while I cried. She told me I could take off your cone and didn’t make me wear the rubber gloves. I think I would have crumbled completely if she wasn’t there to reassure me. I knew she was watching out for you when I wasn’t there. And so was everyone else, but she was special.

Then that night you had your first seizure. Everyone kept saying at least he hasn’t had a seizure, that’s good news. I didn’t know if I was going to be able keep it together after that. I knew then and there that you weren’t going to get better. But I tried to fight that thought. I wanted to believe. I wanted to have faith. I also wanted you to decide what was going to happen. And at that time, you wanted to fight. And I was going to help you. You ate 3 jars of baby sausages and a plateful of roasted chicken. You were so cute the way you munched them. You also drank some water. Then you went to sleep.

It just occurred to me that I thought all my visits and my time with you happened over the coarse of a month…. but really it happened over the course of a week. And each time I visited you and some of the things that were happening were on the same day. How crazy is that?

So you had another seizure at some point. You didn’t seem worse. But your little tail had stopped wagging when you saw me. And on one of my visits, you were knocked out from the Valium. Time didn’t seem real. It still doesn’t. I can’t remember what happened and on what day. D went to visit you twice. The first time you were lying down and slept a lot. The next time you were awake and we fed you. D started to collapse. He was afraid to visit you because he was afraid he would never stop crying…or that his heart would crumble completely. But he loves you and wanted you to know that…he sat with you and cradled your head in his lap. He whispered in your ear and kissed the top of your head. I know it was really hard for him. But that just shows you how special you are. Everyone loves Georgie!

And then I went to see you this morning. Something had changed. You were done fighting. I tried to get you to eat. You wouldn’t. You sweet little tongue wouldn’t stay in your mouth. I tried to put it back in your mouth, like I did the day before, but you wouldn’t let me. I tried to get you to eat again. You wouldn’t. So I took you in my arms and asked you what you wanted me to do. You looked at me so intensely. Your eyes locked onto mine. It was almost too much for me to bear. I tried to feed you again. This time you tried to eat, but your tongue wouldn’t work at all. You stopped and looked into my eyes again. Held my gaze. That’s when I knew you wanted peace. You didn’t want to wait for test results, you didn’t want to fight, you didn’t want to wait and see. You wanted peace. And that, my sweet Georgie boy is what I’m going to give you. I want to let you go right now. But there are so many people that want to say goodbye. They want to whisper into your ear and tell you they love you one last time. They want to tell you to say hello to everyone at the Rainbow Bridge. I hope you are ok with waiting.

As I was getting ready to leave you this morning…you tried to get up. You tried so hard to stand. You struggled, but the entire time, you were looking at me. Your eyes locked with mine. I told you then and there that I would be back and I would help you go. And then you were fine. It’s like you knew that it was almost over and you could relax. You knew I understood what you were asking me. And so I left. I had to go to work. It was so hard for me to leave you there. To wait some more. I had to call D. I had to write this letter to you. I had to get it all down on paper, so I wouldn’t forget any detail. And now that I have finished it, I’m going to go and sit with you. And love you. And help you feel safe and let you know that everything is going to be OK. Because it is. You are going to be fine. And so am I. Forever changed, but fine. I’m sad I may never find out how you got to be so sweet. I’m sad I’ll never get to read updates on your new home and wonderful life…But, I think that, for the rest of my life, whenever I cry, I will always think of you…. and I will know that you decided to pay me a visit and give me an angel kiss. Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry…I love you.

Continue Reading about Georgie

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006 - 03:40PM
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